


Now I Know

by ijustwantacue



Category: GOT7
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 17:32:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13529178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ijustwantacue/pseuds/ijustwantacue
Summary: In the fast-changing world of idols, he finds what he needs.





	Now I Know

Yes, JYP PD-nim is a great artist and producer. Yes, I owe my booming career to his lessons and management. Yes, he's like a father to me and to every other artists under his entertainment.

But isn't this set up just... ridiculous?

"I swear to God, Youngjae, I don't want to run another lap so you better be prepared when I get there. I haven't eaten breakfast yet!" I say in frustration over the phone.

Youngjae is nice. Well, we haven't really talked to each other before we became partners for this training camp. GOT7's career is booming since 2PM is on hiatus for their military trainings. While my solo career just started after Brian-oppa and Ayeon-unnie announced that they are dating. So there was no way to meet GOT7 a lot though we are on the same company. Much more to get to know each of the members. And especially, Choi Youngjae.

I heard from Yerin that she's not close to Youngjae the most out of GOT7. Because she also haven't had the chance to bond with him. I don't know if it's just a problem with our schedules or maybe he's just a bit aloof. Of course I know about their activities and learned at least that he's the main vocal of their group. A bit childlike but very passionate on his work.

Kind of my opposite. I am a very serious person even though my songs are rather playful and made on impulse.

But thankfully, I'll be able to spend more time with him and the rest of the members of our JYP Family in this training camp. We'll be able to bond. And even though this is just the beginning, I already learned so many things about him.

One, and probably something that will stick to me the most, is the fact that he is very hard to wake up. Thus, my frustration just now.

As I ring the bell of the house he shares with his brother, his phone that I'm calling using my other hand is also just ringing. I do hope he's taking a shower that's why he couldn't answer. JYP PD-nim made it clear that partners should come together on time or else the bus to the camping ground will go without us. It's two hours til meeting time but we have to take an hour train ride. This is the perfect time to leave if we want to be able to grab breakfast. I'm only working on caffeine right now. It'll wear out very soon.

"Youngjae-ssi!" I knock hard at the door since no one is answering the doorbell.

Just as I'm going to repeat the gesture, it opens. Who would've thought I'll see an angel up close in this lifetime? Wet hair, brooding eyes with an interesting freckle just below his right, adorable nose, and lips where I know beautiful voice comes out from. I want to stop staring at him but my eyes just wants to travel down. And my God, he's shirtless. His body looks so smooth as water droplets go down from his dripping hair to his shoulders and further—

"I am so sorry for waking up late and making you come get me! Please, come in! I'll just get dressed!" his voice booms as he moves in a hurry to pull me inside his house.

That's how I realise the situation. He is dragging me to his house. He's naked above. We're alone in this big house because his brother has work. Also the reason why I have to pick him up.

Why did he sound in panic just now? Could he possibly be planning to....

"Oh my God! Please, don't touch me! I don't—I can't—I haven't been in the industry for long so I don't know if this... hook-ups are normal. But I can never agree to this!" I wriggle away from his hold on my arm. I run to the door so I can escape if ever he tries to force me.

"What?! I wasn't—Hey, I'm not going to do anything! I was just dragging you in because the neighbours might recognise you and make rumours!" he says with wide eyes and stuttering yet still loud voice.

I almost slap myself after hearing that. Why did I even think about that?! Of course he's not like that!

This is Jimin's fault for telling me so many times to be careful around male  _sunbaes_. I tend to doubt harmless actions because of that!

"I—" clear my throat, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," he says in a hushed tone now. "I'll just..." he points at the room by the end of the hallway. "I need to..."

"Yes, of course. Please go on. I'll just wait here," I almost rap after understanding that he wants to get dressed.

Well, isn't this just epic.

* * *

"We're screwed," I look up in defeat when the train finally starts running.

After Youngjae has dressed up, we went to the train station fifteen minutes from where he lives. Only to find out that I left my duffle bag on his sofa. So we had to go back again and run for the train. Which we realised is the wrong express train after we got in. So I'm just gonna put it here again...

"We're so screwed."

"I'm sorry. I should've stood up when you called me the first time," he says with a very guilty face.

I shake my head. "No, it's not your fault. I was clumsy to forget about my bag too. And we're both at fault on riding the wrong train."

"Yeah, we're both clumsy. PD-nim did great partnering us with each other."

"You don't say." Yeah, he made a great mistake there. But maybe he knows that Youngjae and I are the same and he did this on purpose? I don't know; PD-nim can be crazy.

"It's about two hours till we arrive on the last stop. Why don't you sleep for a while since you woke up early? I'll just wake you up when we get there," he offers generously and I almost hug him. I am that happy. My schedule until yesterday has been killing me. I haven't had enough rest.

"Thank you so much!"

* * *

Forget it. Before I can even deepen my sleep, his head suddenly fell on my shoulder. I had to keep awake so someone can keep an eye on our bags.

* * *

We arrive at the training camp shortly after. Of course they scold us but eventually let us go so we can participate on the games. There were obstacle courses and mind games and we suck at all of them. But I can't help but be thankful that he's the one I'm partnered with. He focuses on having fun rather than winning. Though I do know that he still tries his best. He just makes me forget that we lost and might have to face some punishments later because it's fun to play with him.

* * *

Night comes and we gather around a bonfire. We will be sleeping on quarters later but before that, we will have an open forum with acapella performances in between. I sit beside Lily who hands me a pack of marshmallows and bundled skewer sticks. I take a stick from the bundle and put three marshmallows. I can see GOT7, DAY6, and other guys lined up on the other side of the fire. TWICE, 15&, other girls are on this diameter.

"Alright everyone! I'm assigned to facilitate this event. I'm Jaebum of GOT7," Jaebum bows at different directions. The obstacle course was planned by TWICE and led by Jihyo so I guess this is planned by GOT7. "On your itineraries, it is written that this is an open forum with acapella song performances. So this will be like a truth or dare. Earlier we made you fill up a form asking who among the artists are your friends and who you want to be close with. You will be asked a question by those who want to be close with you while your friends will be the one to give you dares. I told you this will be like truth or dare but you have to do both the truth and the dare. Did you understand that?"

Almost everyone starts to murmur about how fun this game is.

"For those who don't want to answer truth or don't want to do the dare, you have to sing an acapella song. Even the rappers and the dancers have to sing, okay?"

"It's my time to shine," Bambam says so we all laugh. Jinyoung taps his shoulder and shoots him a glare after laughing without any emotions. Okay, GOT7 members seem to have diverse attitudes.

"We'll pick a name from this bowl," Jackson starts walking around while showing us the bowl, like some girl on a boxing fight. "So be prepared."

"And let me choose the first one," Jaebum announces before dipping his hand inside a bowl. He reaches for the one at the very bottom and proudly pulls it out. "Then our first contestant will be..." he opens the folded paper, "it's our rookie!"

That's me. I am the rookie. Wow.

"Please stand up so everyone can see you," Jackson tells me though I think everyone knows I'm the newest addition to the family anyway. I stand up anyway and they cheer for me.

"Now, let's look at this list to see who will give you the question and the dare," Jaebum says before scanning the paper his holding.

Jackson peeks at the list and immediately smiles widely. "How lucky! You will be asked by someone very... easy."

"What do you mean easy?" Youngjae hits his arm playfully while laughing.

"We haven't even said it's you! Why did you hit me?!" Jackson yells. But we all know they're just playing.

"Okay, take your seat Jackson. Youngjae, go and ask her something you're curious about the most," Jaebum says.

I stare at him as he thinks about what he should ask. Actually, today, I think I've stared at him every single chance I get. There's something about his raw expressions that attracts me. Earlier when we were playing, I can't help but smile as he makes a sour expression after eating a lemon. It's supposed to be hilarious but rather, it assures me somehow that despite all the fame he has, he, like everyone else in front of me right now, is also a person full of different emotions. We might seem like products offered to the public but we are more than that. We are also people. We also feel things that normal people do, no matter how serious we seem to be onstage. No one can ever force us to be the perfect idols some think we are.

"What do you love the most in this world?" he asks me while looking straight to my eyes. There are embers flying around my vision of him, making everything seem magical to say the least.

I wonder why he has to ask me that. Usually, when you're interested in a person, you'll ask what their favourite colour is, or if they have any phobias. But he went straight to the ones I love. And I know I should've felt invaded but something inside me makes me want to open up.

"Well..." I start to look down because I don't actually know where my answer would go. "I would like to say music because we are all artists here. Or maybe my family if I want to be deep and emotional. So I'm sorry if this will disappoint you, but I'll say that what I love the most in this world... is love itself."

No one reacts. There's complete silence accompanied by cicadas and the crackling of fire. I look up wondering their reactions but they are all just leaning in, waiting for my explanation.

"You see, love is something that people take for granted almost everytime. We say that we take people for granted but actually, it is what they feel for us that we abuse. Because they love us, we commit mistakes and hope that we get forgiven. We think so little of their commitment to us when we should rather view love as something big and fragile to carry. Doing something intentionally to damage it just shows how petty someone is. Love isn't something that just accepts whatever you throw at it. It keeps on changing depending on how you take care of it. It is a big thing that can adapt. So if you continue to disregard it, you'll find yourself staring in a completely unrecognizable emotion."

I see some of them with heads bowed. I don't know if they have experienced their love getting ill-treatment, eventually changing into something suffocating. Or if they are guilty about doing to others what I just said. But regardless, I'm glad that they understand what I mean even though I myself don't know where I've got that idea. Al least I got them thinking.

"That's why I choose to love... love. Because it's been used in so many wrong ways. Love is the most beautiful thing we are given to feel. Yet it is also what we neglect the most. I figure I should at least think highly of it so little by little, I can show others how it should be regarded," I say with finality then I take a seat.

"That was beautiful," I hear Jimin said so I smile at her. My gaze goes around and everyone is smiling at me.

Except for Youngjae. He's staring at me with an inexplainable expression. It's like he only just see me the first time but is wondering how I ended up here. Ironic but... that's how foreign his gaze is.

"Well, the atmosphere is getting heavy so should we go to the dare? Natty will be the one giving it to you," Jaebum slyly continues.

* * *

 

Natty made me run a lap around the camp. Great. She does know how to piss me off. I hate running. And I just missed the truths and dares I could've enjoyed. When I return, Dahyun just finished her dare.

"Okay, let's go to the next person. We're halfway the game but no one chose to sing. Aren't we all brave?" Jaebum comments but not much of us laugh. I figured the singers would really rather answer the questions and do the dares because they've been singing nonstop.

"Finally! It's Youngjae's turn!" Jackson announces cause he's peeking from Jaebum's back again. Youngjae stands up and Jackson puts an arm around him. "I'll be the one to dare you so prepare yourself."

Youngjae just smile at him. Is there something wrong? He seems down.

"Your question will come from Yerin," Jaebum says.

Yerin stands up shyly. She really must be interested in Youngjae, I mean as a person. It's been years but they never had the chance to talk one on one. Even I would be a little disappointed to be like that with a family member.

"Youngjae-oppa, I don't have any meaning when I ask this but I heard that you've never dated. And when you were asked what kind of husband you'd be, you said you don't see yourself marrying. I just wonder what you plan for your future and if you don't really see yourself with a family of your own. Don't you have any type of girl you might like?"

"That's three questions, you know" Jackson says.

Yerin laughs. "Just answer whichever you want, Oppa."

Now I'm getting a little worried. His eyes look lost. His light mouth that laughs at every given chance is in a frown. Even Jaebum is looking at him with wonder. It goes to show just how weird he's acting.

"I've been... rethinking some things earlier," he says slowly. Like what they did to me, we gave him an encouraging silence so he will speak further. "Despite all the popularity we have, I, like all of you here, am also a person full of different emotions. We might seem like products offered to the public but we are more than that. We are also people. We also feel things that normal people do, no matter how serious we seem to be onstage. No one can ever force us to be the perfect idols some think we are."

My brows furrow but I'm actually more shocked than confuse. What he said was exactly what I was thinking earlier. How on Earth did this happen? This is the biggest coincidence in the history of fate.

"I used to not think about settling down, even dating a girl. It's because my mind has been programmed to think that I only need music to live. That I should be a perfect idol and that is someone who won't break fans' hearts. I know how hard it is to see people who used to call themselves your fans start hating you because you fell in love with somebody."

I see Ayeon-unnie bite her lip to stop a sob. Brian-oppa holds her hand and smiles at her.

"But tonight, someone made me realise that I have been neglecting love."

I slowly look up and see him staring at me. He's still not smiling but somehow I can see in his eyes that he's not lost anymore.

"I've been thinking too little of love. I've been stopping myself from feeling anything for anyone because I will lose my fans' love. But if I do not let them see how I really feel, do I really love them? And if they start saying bad things about me just because I found someone who makes me happy, do they really love me? Love is something beautiful. It's the reason why we have all of this songs. It will hurt. But in the end, that hurt should be worth it. I don't think what I have been doing is worth it."

I look down, like what they did earlier when I was speaking. I don't know whether I'm relating to his hurt or if I feel guilty because I've been doing the same. I'm an artist too so I know how to be in that situation. And I know how hard it is to stray from that mentality. We are liars, not only to the audience but also to ourselves.

I can feel tears threatening to come out. Our words are almost the same yet his is unfathomable. Maybe because my answer earlier came from nowhere while his is a much thought of one.

"I still don't know what my future would be. I still don't know if I'll date, much more marry and have a family. I still don't know a lot of things but I also learned a lot this night. Now I know that there's more to life than our careers. Now I know that time will come when we have to fight for what we feel. Now I know that we deserve to be treated as people with futures unknown and undirected by those who think they know what's best for us. Now I know someone out there loves purely, that she finds worth in something that seems so common, that she's the only one who is capable of opening—changing my mind."

My eyes meet his. It's an indescribable feeling when someone describes you beautifully. If you ask me yesterday—no, if you asked me this morning what kind of a person I think Choi Youngjae is, I would've said someone simple and the opposite of me. Now I know how wrong that would be.

"Now I know you," he tells me with a small smile. I think I've never seen someone smile with all his heart. "Now I think I know everything I will need."


End file.
